Howoftenhadmyownhandshrunkwithunconquerablerepugnancefromthatcontact!IlistenedwhileherepeatedthesamephrasesofsympathywithmysorrowwhichhehadalreadywrittentomewhileIwasatCompiegne.IlistenedwhileMadameBernardutteredotherphrasestothesameeffect;andthentheconversationresumeditscourse,and,duringthehalf-hourthatensued,Ilookedon,speakinghardlyatall,butmentallycomparingthephysiognomyofmystepfatherwiththatofthevisitor,andthatofmymother.Thecontemplationofthosethreefacesproducedacuriousimpressionuponme;itwasthatoftheirdifference,notonlyofage,butofintensity,ofdepth.Therewasnomysteryinmymother'sface,itwasaseasytoreadasapageindearhandwriting!ThemindofMadameBernard,aworldly,trumpery,poormind,butharmlessenough,wasreadilytobediscernedinherfeatureswhichwereatoncerefinedandcommonplace.Howlittletherewasofreflection,ofdecision,ofexerciseofwill,inshortofindividuality,behindthepoeticgraceoftheoneandtheprettyaffectationsoftheother!Whataface,onthecontrary,wasthatofmystepfather,withitsstrongindividuality,anditsvividexpression!Inthismanoftheworld,ashestoodtheretalkingwithtwowomenoftheworld,inhisblue,furtiveeyes,toowideapart,andalwaysseemingtoshunobservation,inhisprematurelygrayhair,hismouthsetroundwithdeepwrinkles,inhisdark,blotched,biliouscomplexion,thereseemedtobeacreatureofanotherrace.Whatpassionshadwornthosefurrows?whatvigilshadhollowedthoseeyeballs?Wasthisthefaceofahappyman,withwhomeverythinghadsucceeded,who,havingbeenborntowealthandofanexcellentfamily,hadmarriedthewomanheloved;whohadknownneitherthewearingcaresofambition,thetoilofmoney-getting,northestingsofwoundedself-love?Itistrue,hesufferedfromlivercomplaint;butwhywasitthat,althoughIhadhithertobeensatisfiedwiththisanswer,itnowappearedtomechildishandevenfoolish?Whydidallthesemarksoftroubleandexhaustionsuddenlystrikemeaseffectsofasecretcause,andwhywasIastonishedthatIhadnotsoonersoughtforit?Whywasitthatinhispresence,contrarytomyexpectations,contrarytowhathadhappenedaboutmymother,IwasplungedmoredeeplyintothegulfofsuspicionfromwhichIhadhopedtoemergewithafreemind?
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