Onefactonlywouldhavefurnishedmewithabsolute,indisputableproof;ifhehadbeenshakenbyanervousconvulsionwhileweweretalking,ifIhadseenhim(asHamlet,mybrotherinanguish,sawhisuncle)startupwithdistortedface,beforethesuddenly-evokedspecterofhiscrime.Notamuscleofhisfacehadmoved,notaneyelashhadquivered;--why,then,shouldIsetdownthisuntroubledcalmtoamazinghypocrisy,andtakethediscomposureofhiscountenancehalfanhourlaterforarevelationofthetruth?Thiswasjustreasoning,oratleastitappearssotome,nowthatIamwritingdownmyrecollectionsincoldblood.Theydidnotprevailagainstthesortoffatalinstinctwhichforcedmetofollowthistrail.Yes,itwasabsurd,itwasmad,gratuitouslytoimaginethatM.Termondehademployedanotherpersontomurdermyfather;yetIcouldnotpreventmyselfconstantlyadmittingthatthismostunlikelysuggestionofmyfancywaspossible,andsometimesthatitwascertain.
Whenamanhasgivenplaceinhismindtoideasofthiskindheisnolongerhisownmaster;eitherheisacoward,orthethingmustbefoughtout.Itwasduetomyfather,mymother,andmyselfthatIshouldKNOW.
Iwalkedaboutmyroomsforhours,revolvingthesethoughts,andmorethanonceItookupapistol,sayingtomyself:Justatouch,aslightmovementlikethis--Imadethegesture--andIamcuredforeverofmymortalpain.Buttheveryhandlingoftheweapon,thetouchofthesmoothbarrel,remindedmeofthemysterioussceneofmyfather'sdeath.Itcalledupbeforemethesitting-roomintheImperialHotel,thedisguisedmanwaiting,myfathercomingin,takingaseatatthetable,turningoverthepaperslaidbeforehim,whileapistol,likethisoneinmyhand,waslevelledathim,closetothebackofhisneck;andthenthefatalcrackoftheweapon,theheaddroppingdownuponthetable,themurdererwrappingthebleedingneckintowelsandwashinghishands,coolly,leisurely,asthoughhehadjustcompletedsomeordinarytask.Thepicturerousedinmearagingthirstforvengeance.Iapproachedtheportraitofthedeadman,whichlookedatmewithitsmotionlesseyes.What!Ihadmysuspicionsoftheinstigatorofthismurder,andIwouldleavethemunverifiedbecauseIwasafraidofwhatIshouldhavetodoafterwards!No,no;atanyprice,Imustinthefirstplaceknow!
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